So, I hit the big 28 yesterday. Had a good time Saturday with my friends from work. Had a nice brunch with my girlfriend's family on Sunday morning. Generally the weekend started out wonderfully.
There was one speed bump on the fun time express. Diner with my mom, grandmother, and brother took an odd turn near the end. Essentially my brother seems convinced that my dad has been up to no good recently and over the last few years. I know that a lot of that is feed to him via my grandmother second hand from my mom. I don't know how much of what I can or should believe.
It's an interesting problem. I know mom has a tendency to fabricate portions of the truth at the drop of a hat. It's part of her personality and a necessary tool for an addict (IMHO). However, she works truth into her lies so that they're at least a little bit believable. So, if her lies are plausible then they have the affect of creating doubt in dad.
If there's doubt in dad then I can't assume what he says is fact. Losing a solid source of fact only makes mom's arguments more believable. At the very least it makes her white lies harder to detect.
So, what's my option here?
1) Choose mom. Hate dad.
2) Choose dad. dislike mom. (NOTE: Dad isn't forcing a choice. But not taking mom's side will be viewed as a betrayal by her)
3) Abstain from choice and attempt to love my parents for who they are to me.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Rattled
I'm moving into the first weekend after a nearly full week of running. I've run Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week so far. I've average at least 3 miles each day. The distance is mostly a guestimation at this point. I'm only really running for time. I'm feeling pretty good about that. I'm really sore in my calves, thighs, and ankles. Definitely not in a bad way.
I turn 28 on Sunday.
Something has crawled up inside of me this week. I don't really know what it is. But, I'm rattled. I'm missing Kim, But I'm struggling to even remember what that time with her was like when it was good. Everything about our relationship is fuzzy in my mind now. I don't really understand how that could be.
More on that later I suppose.
I turn 28 on Sunday.
Something has crawled up inside of me this week. I don't really know what it is. But, I'm rattled. I'm missing Kim, But I'm struggling to even remember what that time with her was like when it was good. Everything about our relationship is fuzzy in my mind now. I don't really understand how that could be.
More on that later I suppose.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Rocket City 12/13/08
Yeah, I just registered for it.
It was definitely the right decision. I'm excited.
It was definitely the right decision. I'm excited.
Big goals
It seems that I've never learned to set my goals at something reasonable. It's only been a few days since I started feeling the itch to train again and I'm already considering a marathon this December.
Rocket City Marathon
It helps that my girlfriend has family in the area, It's the same marathon that my dad did, and I've got ~22 weeks between now and then to get ready.
Cool Running has a training program that is 20 weeks long for a beginner marathon runner. However, that program assume that you're running 15 to 20 miles per week. I'm probably putting in a solid 9 -> 15. But I think I can swing that up rapidly enough without the wheels falling off.
So, I think I'm going to do it. But, I'm not sure. Mostly I realize that I"m hunting for some sort of exterior "You can do it" influence. It's stupid I know.
Rocket City Marathon
It helps that my girlfriend has family in the area, It's the same marathon that my dad did, and I've got ~22 weeks between now and then to get ready.
Cool Running has a training program that is 20 weeks long for a beginner marathon runner. However, that program assume that you're running 15 to 20 miles per week. I'm probably putting in a solid 9 -> 15. But I think I can swing that up rapidly enough without the wheels falling off.
So, I think I'm going to do it. But, I'm not sure. Mostly I realize that I"m hunting for some sort of exterior "You can do it" influence. It's stupid I know.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Checking in
I was talking to my girlfriend about blogging this weekend. Which reminded me I hadn't been around in a while.
I'm feeling the urge to run more often again. Which is definitely a good thing. The once a week thing I've bee doing just does't feel sufficient anymore. I'm going to try and find some events around here that I can start attending. I may even get all anal retentive and create a training program again. Maybe I'll talk Jennifer into running with me. Maybe I won't. That has yet to be determined. I really want to keep it casual for now.
Hopefully, more posts to come.
I'm feeling the urge to run more often again. Which is definitely a good thing. The once a week thing I've bee doing just does't feel sufficient anymore. I'm going to try and find some events around here that I can start attending. I may even get all anal retentive and create a training program again. Maybe I'll talk Jennifer into running with me. Maybe I won't. That has yet to be determined. I really want to keep it casual for now.
Hopefully, more posts to come.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Understanding
"It's happening again"
That's one of the worst thoughts I allow myself these days. It doesn't creep up very often or unprovoked like it used to. Instead, I have moments of soul shattering doubt about my life.
They're typically caused by stupid things. Having my girlfriend living 3,000 miles away hasn't exasperated matters as much as I feared. But, it's been difficult.
Jennifer earned a lot of brownie points with me last night. She went to a BBQ with some friend she's made in Portland. I had a minor freak out at home.
"She's going to let you down. She won't mean to do it but it's going to happen. Just like mom. Just like Kim."
Melodramatic right? Well, when she got home from the party she called me and I mentioned that the crazies were bouncing around in my head. Her response:
"Baby. You're allowed to be weird and need reassurance. I love you. I'll gladly call and reassure you when you need it. I'm not going to leave you. You're awesome. Just as long as you're not trying to control my life I'll gladly tell you that as often as you need to hear it."
I feel like a putz for needing to hear it from her. I should be better by now. I am insanely lucky to have such an awesome female in my life. No matter what ultimately happens between us.
That's one of the worst thoughts I allow myself these days. It doesn't creep up very often or unprovoked like it used to. Instead, I have moments of soul shattering doubt about my life.
They're typically caused by stupid things. Having my girlfriend living 3,000 miles away hasn't exasperated matters as much as I feared. But, it's been difficult.
Jennifer earned a lot of brownie points with me last night. She went to a BBQ with some friend she's made in Portland. I had a minor freak out at home.
"She's going to let you down. She won't mean to do it but it's going to happen. Just like mom. Just like Kim."
Melodramatic right? Well, when she got home from the party she called me and I mentioned that the crazies were bouncing around in my head. Her response:
"Baby. You're allowed to be weird and need reassurance. I love you. I'll gladly call and reassure you when you need it. I'm not going to leave you. You're awesome. Just as long as you're not trying to control my life I'll gladly tell you that as often as you need to hear it."
I feel like a putz for needing to hear it from her. I should be better by now. I am insanely lucky to have such an awesome female in my life. No matter what ultimately happens between us.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Quietly discontent
That's how I would describe things right now. I'm not thrilled with my current job. I'm not thrilled with my girlfriend living thousands of miles away. I'm not thrilled with where and how I'm living. In general I'm not thrilled. However, I'm not unhappy either. I'm just generally uncomfortable. Things don't quite fit.
But, most of those things are due to change soon. I'm looking hard at going back and actually finishing my college education. Jennifer is planning on moving back to the area as soon as she can sell all of her furniture. My lease expires next month and I'm going to shack up with my dad for a little while.
Living with dad will be interesting. I haven't lived with a family member in 9 years. Dad and I have a good relationship now though. Plus, living with him will help me save money and passively aggressively "help" him while he figures out what to do with mom.
Jennifer coming home is exactly what I want. I hope that it's what is best for her as well. She's going to continue her education closer to home so that she doesn't have to miss her family as much. GA State or GA Tech are likely schools for her.
While I'd love to attend GA Tech, my GPA isn't up to snuff. So, it'll be GA State if it's anywhere in GA. Unfortunately, that's all out of state tuition. So, I may just try getting a job in GA to work for a year to earn residency. It's a big difference in tuition costs.
What about Auburn University (the college 10 minutes from where I live and work currently)? Well, Jennifer has already graduated from there and cannot further her career with more paper from them. I'm fairly school indifferent. So, Jennifer is going to move to GA this time and again I'll do my best to follow her.
Of course this is all speculative. The school and move to GA will all be the end of this year or beginning of next. Lots of things can happen in 6 months.
But, most of those things are due to change soon. I'm looking hard at going back and actually finishing my college education. Jennifer is planning on moving back to the area as soon as she can sell all of her furniture. My lease expires next month and I'm going to shack up with my dad for a little while.
Living with dad will be interesting. I haven't lived with a family member in 9 years. Dad and I have a good relationship now though. Plus, living with him will help me save money and passively aggressively "help" him while he figures out what to do with mom.
Jennifer coming home is exactly what I want. I hope that it's what is best for her as well. She's going to continue her education closer to home so that she doesn't have to miss her family as much. GA State or GA Tech are likely schools for her.
While I'd love to attend GA Tech, my GPA isn't up to snuff. So, it'll be GA State if it's anywhere in GA. Unfortunately, that's all out of state tuition. So, I may just try getting a job in GA to work for a year to earn residency. It's a big difference in tuition costs.
What about Auburn University (the college 10 minutes from where I live and work currently)? Well, Jennifer has already graduated from there and cannot further her career with more paper from them. I'm fairly school indifferent. So, Jennifer is going to move to GA this time and again I'll do my best to follow her.
Of course this is all speculative. The school and move to GA will all be the end of this year or beginning of next. Lots of things can happen in 6 months.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Meh
Who cares about regular blog entries anyway right?
Lots of things have changed since my last entry. Jennifer has moved to Portland. She moved in January. We are still together. I flew out and visited her at the end of January for 1 wonderful week.
Our relationship, it seems, couldn't be any stronger.
Shortly after getting back from Portland my grandmother who lives in Washington (the state) passed away. She was ill while I was out there. Due to weather I wasn't able to visit her. Thankfully, my dad and his twin flew out there the day after I got back and were able to help with preparations etc.
So, this weekend I'll get to see my girlfriend again. She's flying into town for the funeral/memorial service. She's staying a few extra days to visit her family and spend some time with me.
That's about it for now. Just felt like jotting a few things down. No revelations.
Lots of things have changed since my last entry. Jennifer has moved to Portland. She moved in January. We are still together. I flew out and visited her at the end of January for 1 wonderful week.
Our relationship, it seems, couldn't be any stronger.
Shortly after getting back from Portland my grandmother who lives in Washington (the state) passed away. She was ill while I was out there. Due to weather I wasn't able to visit her. Thankfully, my dad and his twin flew out there the day after I got back and were able to help with preparations etc.
So, this weekend I'll get to see my girlfriend again. She's flying into town for the funeral/memorial service. She's staying a few extra days to visit her family and spend some time with me.
That's about it for now. Just felt like jotting a few things down. No revelations.
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